


Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

by TGITFangirl (SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune)



Series: He is Not The Sun (or, The Sexy Single Ladies of TGIT) [5]
Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Het Relationship, Episode: S02e15 Always Ready, Female Friendship, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Work Contains Episode Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 12:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18691633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/TGITFangirl
Summary: Victoria Hughes never understood old love songs. She never dreamed about meeting "The One" or settling down, or anything of the kind. Now she gets it. And now the only love song that resonates with her, also shatters her into a million pieces, because all she can think is "He's gone."Sometimes the smoke really does get in your eyes. Thank God Vic has a family at 19 that gets that, and one special friend in particular who can relate, who reminds her that she's never alone.





	Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Contains Spoilers for Station 19 Season 2 Episode 15-- "Always Ready" DO NOT READ if you have not seen the episode first!  
> This is how I process major losses on shows I love. Please don't hate me.

If there's one thing Victoria Hughes had learned in her time as a firefighter, it's this:  _Blame is a hell of a monster._ Not the kind that hides under your bed or in your closet, that makes you afraid to go to sleep at night. Not the kind that you know is going to jump out at you any minute, so you avoid it. No, blame couldn't make things that easy. It's not like the monsters that made you run for mommy as a kid. This one gets under your skin. Vic knows this first hand. She's felt it. 

She'd never meant for it to go this far. That one intense afternoon in a hotel with Ripley that had broken down every single wall she'd ever dared to put up, had ruined everything.  She'd built those walls so high and thick that she never expected someone to climb them. But all of a sudden, there he was.  They'd needed each other, and in their mutual need they'd found a solace that belonged only to them. For a while, she felt like some dirty little secret he was keeping, the stress reliever when the job got to be too much. 

But if that was what he was supposed to be for her, Vic was screwed and she knew it. Hell, the man was better than she'd ever given him credit for. He knew what she needed, and he knew how to take his time, calm her down and make her wait. Maybe even beg,  and she loved it. It was a sin for a man to be so good at this, and yet, he was. She'd never been able to put a label on Lucas or anything about him. So she was okay with their fling, romance, whatever the hell it really was.  Meanwhile, he was breaking her down. Brick by solitary brick, he was crashing the walls and making her need him more than she'd ever needed anyone. Vic had always been fine on her own, but that was before him.  She remembered how her best friend at 19 had nearly choked at the news that she was seeing Lucas. She remembered admitting that they had seen a lot of each other, and Travis' reminder that Ripley was the chief and this dalliance was a bad idea. Hindsight being 20/20, now Vic believes he may have been right. Especially after the way she'd been ripped into, told she wasn't anything to Lucas because he'd never asked her to marry him formally. Forget the fact that they'd discussed it in bed, talked about where they'd honeymoon, the things they'd said in their "secret, sexy bubble" as Andy probably would have called it. 

Andy was probably the smartest one there. Instead of letting her in right away, Andy took her aside. Led her to a closet and stood guard, telling Vic to let it all out. Andy's probably the reason Vic walked out of the hospital so calmly. Vic reminded herself to thank Andy for that once she can, once it's not so raw.

If anyone understood what she was going through it was Travis. After all, he had fallen in love with another firefighter, too. Then he'd lost him.  So Vic decided to stick to Travis, the one person who could be there for her, because he knew. Losing a man you loved to the job was a fresh hell, and she needed someone to help her navigate it. Travis was the only one at 19 who had been through it. 

She'd walked out of the hospital bravely after they'd called time of death. After Lucas' sister had all but blamed her. Vic knew it was her grief talking. But it still stung like hell that she was mad, mad at Victoria for something that wasn't her fault. But then, Vic guessed she couldn't really be upset with her for that. After all, Vic had been angry too, and grief did things to people. She was angry at Lucas for standing her up at breakfast. That was why she'd had to see him. To apologize, make up for it, do something. 

She'd always known he wouldn't want to be saved, and that was probably what hurt the most. That the man she loved, who had people waiting for him, wouldn't want to be saved if it were him on the brink of death. Why not? It made no sense. A lot of things didn't make sense. 

 _Why didn't he go to Grey Sloan? They could have treated him better. They might have saved him._ But Vic can't waste her time on "might have." She has to live.  _Has_ to keep going because Lucas... She stopped the thought short. Her family at 19 understands grief. They all climb into the back of one of the engines with her, and they hold her. Travis is the closest, the one who squeezes tightest. Vic never felt more grateful to have him in her corner. 

Because when she misses Lucas, when the smoke gets in her eyes, her family will always be there. She'll never be Victoria Ripley now, but she will carry on his legacy. For him, for herself. For all of them.

 


End file.
